My Journey

Living with chronic illness and disability is a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs. It is a journey filled with so much uncertainty that, at times, there seems to be no hope. Despite all I have endured over the years, I have developed coping mechanisms that have helped me overcome so many obstacles and challenges. I have always had a strong mind, and this has been part of my survivability. It has not been easy. Nonetheless, you do your best despite the odds against you. As I reflect on how my journey began, I realize how much I have changed over the years. My priorities, wishes, and needs had to take a backseat to chronic illness and disability. I first fell unexpectedly ill in 2003 with an abdominal infection which proved extremely complicated for doctors to treat. My doctors informed me that I had an H-Pylori infection, and I spent a week in the hospital to treat the infection; consequently, the doctors also informed me that my gallbladder was inflamed, and I would require surgery to have it removed. This is when my nightmare began; what was supposed to be a routine gallbladder surgery turned out to be a life-and-death situation for me. 

I suffered serious complications after the surgery. Consequently, I faced multi-organ failure, and I began slipping away. I was transferred to a much larger hospital, where I found myself fighting for my life. My doctors immediately placed me on the heart transplant list, and as I lay there in the Cardiac ICU, I began to wonder “Is this the end for me.” It seemed like all my wishes and dreams would never materialize, and the only hope I had, if any, was to try my best and fight to live. I spent about three months in hospital, and most of that time I was pretty much at death's door. At that moment, I did not know how much my life would change or whether I was going to live or die. While in the hospital I had two strokes as a result of my weak heart, the left side of my face became droopy, and I had weakness on the entire left side of my body. I can honestly say when you face uncertain death up close and personal; you begin to think more clearly. It is like a rebirth and awakening that brought about this dramatic change in my life.

The fact that I survived multi-organ failure and multiple strokes, afflictions, diagnoses, situations, etc. that could have killed me, I am no doubt grateful to be alive. A key aspect of my survivability is a strong support system of medical professionals and, most importantly, family and friends.  Over the years, I have gained friends, and I have lost some since people come into my life for a short time, and then the friendships fade away. Having a friend who suffers from chronic illness and disability can be overwhelming at times, and most acquaintances or friendships usually don't stand the test of time. I am fortunate that those friendships that stood the test of time, are like a pillar of strength to me. I sometimes wonder, am I too much of a burden that people keep away from me? I have learned eventually that the quality of friends matters more than the quantity of friends you have. Relationships prove difficult when you suffer from chronic illness and disability, and it's the very reason I chose not to pursue a romantic relationship. I did not want to be labeled a burden by anyone, it is difficult enough to sustain my own life, let alone sustain a meaningful relationship with someone. Well, I am an optimist at heart and a realist when it matters the most, and I will not give up on a romantic relationship completely. I will, however, continue to hold on to the friendships I have and sustain them forever, for it is one of the greatest gifts that has been bestowed upon me.